i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
