i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize