I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
