i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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