I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
