I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need to stop coming to work sober
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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