He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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