Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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