I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
