in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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