Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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