I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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