she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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