You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
