There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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