eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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