I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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