I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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