the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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