I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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