That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want to make out with him forever
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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