Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
