carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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