i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I just put wine in my tea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
