ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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