he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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