saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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