so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
