oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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