so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
