FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
