I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
