Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We have started to decorate penises.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Randomize
