I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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