it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
