Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
