One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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