I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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