i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
