she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
