at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
