i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
