I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
