dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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