i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
