Non-Jews are for practice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
