When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
