In America we eat man semen.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
