dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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