Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
