12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
