i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
