But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
