Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
