yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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