How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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