fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
