Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This baby is an asshole
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.