i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.