Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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