just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.