About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.