HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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