I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
