I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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