dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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