shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
