I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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