no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
