My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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