thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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